


But Kindness Was My Only Strength

by violet_sunflowers



Series: Peter Parker: The Gen Z Chronicles [14]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Anxiety, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Miscommunication, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is a Mess, Precious Peter Parker, Secret Santa, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:47:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28251132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violet_sunflowers/pseuds/violet_sunflowers
Summary: When Peter gets Mr Stark for the Avengers Secret Santa he falls down a spiral of wondering if he did anything for him. As he searches for the perfect gift his worries get the best of him and he plans on leaving the Avengers.Will it go to plan, or will someone stop him before it's too late.
Relationships: May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Avengers Team, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Peter Parker: The Gen Z Chronicles [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1749952
Comments: 12
Kudos: 123
Collections: The Best Irondad/Spiderson Fics, The Best Peter Parker Whump Fics





	But Kindness Was My Only Strength

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Starlingheart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starlingheart/gifts).



> I want to give a huge thank you to my beta reader, Ninjazz. This fic would be a lot worse do it weren't for their help.
> 
> Merry Christmas Starlingheart. This is the fic I've been working on all month instead of Throwing Caution to the Wind. This past month has been amazing, and I have you to thank for a lot of it. (I promise I'm going to finish Wind by mid-February)
> 
> Title is from "Tubbo's Song"

Peter looked at the name written on the slip of paper. Tony. Of all the people he could've pulled this was the worst person he could've pulled.

A while ago the Avengers plus him and May had decided that a Secret Santa would be the best way to go with all the people involved. 

He now cursed Steve who had brought up the idea initially. In theory it was a good idea, even in practice it was a good idea. Except he got Mr Stark. 

He wanted to find the perfect gift. He had really started to see Mr Stark as a sort of father figure. He wanted to express this in a gift. But he also didn't want Mr Stark to feel pressured.

He had 3 weeks to figure it out. It would be fine...right?

He was wrong, so very wrong. He had spent the past week doing nothing but brainstorming gift ideas, his notebook was filled with pages and pages of crossed out potential gifts. He was pacing his room when he heard May knock on his door.

"Yeah." he said pausing where he stood looking at the door.

May peeked her head in. "Sweety you're not still worried about Tony's gift are you?" she asked.

"No?" he said, his voice slightly raised towards the end of the word.

"I've told you, he'll love anything you get him." she said as she walked in to pull him into a hug. 

"It has to be good though." Peter argued.

"Well you wouldn't get him a bad gift would you." she said with a soft laugh.

"You know what I mean." he mumbled into her shoulder.

"Yes I do, which is why I'm telling you not to worry about it," she told him as she pulled away from the hug, "I'm heading out with some friends tonight, are you good alone?"

"Yeah I'm fine." he said shrugging his shoulders. 

That night after ordering a pizza, he found himself on the computer scrolling through endless Amazon pages and those websites that tell you how to get the perfect gift. 

He couldn't find anything. What did you get a billionaire? Mr Stark had everything he could ever want and anything he didn't have he could get delivered within the day. 

Candles gave him headaches, he didn't bake. His garage already had every tool known to man. He wasn't an outdoorsy person. 

Peter groaned burying his face in his hands, he would never find anything. Clearly his approach of letting inspiration hit him hadn't worked and he had already wasted an entire week. He needed to be proactive. 

He grabbed his phone and texted MJ, Ned would be no help he knew, but MJ just might be able to give him the edge he needed. 

And help him she did. When he mentioned the lack of budget she suggested making something. His Spiderman designs may not have looked great on the outside, but the original designs were beautiful. 

He spent the rest of the night trying to figure out anything he could about the man to help him get a good idea of what he could get him. The longer he spent scrolling down his mental list the more he realized he didn't know his mentor very well. He didn't know his favorite colour or how he liked his coffee. He didn't know his favorite movie or song.

He didn't know anything about him. Guilt pooled in his chest, he had spent over a year with the man now. Countless lab and movie nights. And even, as of a few months ago, sleepovers at the tower when May had a night shift. And even at times when she didn't have a night shift. He should know things about him. He should know about the man who gave him so much.

He suddenly felt like he had been using him. All that Mr Stark had ever done for him, made and gave him the suit, he had taken care of his injuries. Making sure he was comfortable as he recovered. Kept the fridge stocked with all his favorites. And what had Peter ever done in return. 

Nothing. 

He suddenly felt awful. What could he do to fix it?

Well, the obvious first step was to get him a good Christmas present. But what came after?

Wednesday started as any other except it wasn't, Peter was on a mission. The last three days had been spent with MJ asking him questions and throwing ideas left right and center. They had a couple ideas but they needed to be tweaked to be personalized for Tony to make it perfect. He spent the entire day thinking about his lab time after school, he had an entire list of things he was determined to find out.  
When Happy finally picked him up at the end of the day he let himself get lost in thought, he started humming a couple of the songs he heard Tony listen to in the lab. Specifically Back in Black while running through the list in his head. He couldn't pull out his notebook every time he learned something- or else his guilt would consume him more- so he committed the thing to memory during class.

"Hey Mr Stark." Peter said as he bounded into the lab with a smile on his face, he was determined to pay close attention to Tony and learn something he hadn't noticed before so he could make the gift perfect. The only thing he knew about him was that he loved his rock music. Although that one wasn't too hard to figure out considering that that was the first sound that greeted him every time Peter walked into the lab. Like today. Peter was pretty sure it was ACDC today, but he could never tell. 

"Hey Pete." Mr Stark said fondly from his workstation. Peter could tell he was working on something, but he couldn't tell what.

"What are you up to." Peter asked, walking up to him.

"Just replacing some wires." he said with a shrug.

"Do you want any help?" Peter offered tentatively.

"You've got homework mister." Mr Stark said playfully and shooed him away. 

Peter deflated a bit. He was really hoping to learn something about his mentor today. But if he didn't want him around…

He spent the next few hours silently working on his homework before eventually moving towards his web-shooters. Mr Stark was humming softly to himself when Peter's stomach rumbled loudly enough to be heard over the music. Mr Stark's head immediately snapped towards him.

"I guess we call it a day." he said glancing down at his watch. 

His lips turned down into a small frown.

"Peter, did you not eat today, it's pretty early." he said with a gentle edge in his voice.

"Sorry Mr Stark, I got caught up at lunch." Peter admitted softly.

His mentor let out a small sigh. "You have to eat Pete. It's important to make sure that we can go for as long as possible." Mr Stark said as he pulled him towards the door. 

Peter felt ashamed, he had cut his mentors work day short all because he hadn't eaten anything. He knew that they would only be going for another hour and half, but Mr Stark was fast, who knows what he could've done with the extra time. 

They went upstairs, Peter stayed quiet, lost in his thoughts. He had failed his one mission, though not for lack of trying. Mr Stark had pushed aside his offer of help. 

Peter stopped in his tracks. Maybe Mr Stark didn't want him around, maybe he only kept him around out of obligation. Afterall when was the last time Peter had ever actually done anything for Mr Stark, the answer was never. He had never done anything of value for the man, all he had done was use his money, his resources to help himself and Peter had never done anything for him in return. 

"You good Pete?" Mr Stark asked from down the hall.

"Yeah, yeah, sorry, I just remembered I have a history project due this week." Peter said shaking his head.

"O-k." Mr Stark said, his eyes searching Peter's, clearly unconvinced by his lie. 

The pair entered the living room and started discussing dinner. It was only 5 so they would order an early dinner and spend the rest of the time watching a movie together. Peter didn't have to leave until 8, and usually they would work until about 7. But because of his negligence they called it an early day.

Peter tried asking Mr Stark questions about his life but Mr Stark brushed him off every time. By the time their food arrived Mr Stark seemed slightly annoyed from all the questions. Peter took the hint and dropped the conversation while they ate.

They settled down on the couch for a movie and Peter took a seat on the opposite end from his mentor. 

"What movie?" Mr Stark asked after giving him a careful look.

"You know, I always pick, you pick tonight." Peter said hoping to learn his favorite movie.

"You sure? You always seem pretty insistent on me watching all the classics I apparently missed out on."

He felt the adrenaline come in waves. He had done that hadn't he, he never let the man pick the movie because he always thought that he knew the best movie.

"Sorry, sorry. Yeah, you pick the movie." Peter said, not meeting his mentor's eye. 

His mentor ended up picking an old 80's movie called Risky Business, it actually turned out to be pretty enjoyable.

When the movie was over Mr Stark offered to drive him back but Peter refused. It was early enough in the day that he would get home on time if he took the subway. He got his bag, waved goodbye to his mentor and headed out.

He started his walk home and let his thoughts run through today's events. Rather than learning more about his mentor today, he had seen how much he truly took advantage of his mentor. The word commensalism echoed in his head. He learned it in his AP biology class, it was a relationship between animals where one animal benefited but the other animal didn't get anything from it. That's how it was between him and Mr Stark right now.

On the way home Peter thought long and hard home about what he needed to do. In the end he came to one conclusion. He had to end it. He would stay to do the Secret Santa, his gift to his mentor and apology gift. But in the new year, Mr Stark would be free of him, he would be able to do what he wanted without worrying about taking care of Peter and all his reckless injuries. 

Before walking into his building he looked up at the moon, and with a heavy heart he said goodbye to Mr Stark.

He didn't tell anyone. He continued his search for the next week frantically looking for something that would tell the man how sorry he was. He started distancing himself too, he texted him less, slowly at first so that he wouldn't notice, he disabled a lot of Karen's protocols for minor injuries. He told Mr Stark that May was working less than she was so he couldn't come to the tower as often. MJ noticed something was up, she asked him about it a few times but he brushed her off every time. 

May even noticed something was up, but he managed to avoid the questions whenever they came around. 

On Wednesday he knew he couldn't avoid his mentor anymore. When Happy dropped him off at the tower he told Peter that there was a team meeting and that Mr Stark wanted him there. After thanking him Peter headed towards the meeting room.

This gave Peter an opportunity to do something he knew would need to be done eventually. 

When he reached the door he took a deep breath before turning the doorknob.

When he walked in he took in the sight of them all playfully bickering around the table. Small laughs and happy shrieks filled the room.

Everyone stopped when they heard him walk through the door.

"Great, now that you're here we can start." Mr Stark said clapping his hands together. 

"Actually, I have an announcement first," Peter said tentatively.

"Oh, uhhh, ok, go ahead," Mr Stark said looking surprised. 

"In the new year I'm going to focus more on my studies and because of that I don't think it's very good of me to spend as much time at the tower. That means I won't be joining you for meetings anymore, I can't be training with you either. Mr Stark that means I'm going to need to cut lab time down to about once a month, I know this kinda came out of nowhere, but I've been thinking about this for a while," Peter announced. His hands were in his pockets, hiding their slight tremble. It was done, he couldn't take it back. He hated it, he hated that he had brought this upon himself, but he knew it had to be done.

The team looked at him, shock and confusion written all over their faces. Natasha however looked at him with concern.

"Peter, we can talk about this later, but for now we have to go over the last month's report." Mr Stark said looking confused.

The meeting went pretty normal, but the team kept shooting confused and worried glances his way throughout it. 

Peter's leg was bouncing up and down throughout the entire meeting, mentally planning his escape. He knew that Mr Stark would want to talk to him afterwards so he was mentally making a few different excuses and rehearsing them while Steve droned on about what they had done last month. In the end Peter just bolted out of the room saying he had a project he needed to do. 

The elevator dropped him off and he raced through the lobby towards the glass doors. He was so close, he could practically feel the bitter December wind. His hand reached out to push open the door ready to greet the winter sunshine. But the door wouldn't budge. 

"Boss wants you in the penthouse." Friday informed him, her voice echoing throughout the lobby. 

Peter slumped his shoulders defeated. There was no way to get out of this, he had to accept his fate. 

He slowly walked towards the elevator, heart heavy in his chest. He felt light, his palms sweaty, knees were weak. He wanted nothing more than to bolt out the door and lose himself in the streets of New York. But he knew what had to happen. He boarded the elevator and Friday silently started his ascent. 

Anxiety crashed through him on the way up, it ran through his veins filling him up. It shoved itself into every empty space inside of him.

Finally the elevator slowed to a stop. He stepped out wondering if he could jump out the window, he did have his web-shooters on him. Unfortunately before he could think too much about it he saw Mr Stark waiting in the living room.

He shuffled over slowly silently, head hung low. This was the end of the line for him, no last chances. 

"Take a seat kid." Mr Stark said, his voice devoid of emotion.

Peter quickly did as he was told. Sitting much like he had when he was first invited to the penthouse, glued to one spot, afraid to move. He kept himself small, not wanting to draw anymore attention than nessisaary. Which didn't make much sense seeing as though all Mr Stark's attention would already be on him.

"Kid, be honest, why are you seperating yourself from us, from me?" Mr Stark asked him his voice laced with worry. 

"I'm not seperating myself from you." Peter protested his face flushing.

"Bullcrap." Mr Stark said without missing a beat.

"Well, I-I'm not," Peter said trying to keep his voice even. He cringed at the way it wavered on the last word.

"Mhm," Mr Stark said his tone unconvinced.

Peter fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat, he knew he was going to have to tell him the truth, but he didn't know how he would take it.

On one hand he could understand where Peter was coming from and help him pack his bags, on the other he might insist Peter stay. Peter didn't want to take more from the man than he already had. 

"Mr Stark, do you ever feel like I take too much from you?" he asked cautiously.

"No.." the man responded wrinkling his brow, "why?"

"But I think I do, I mean, you do all these things for me, you make me suits and protocols, you invite me to hang out with you, you let me stay over. And what do I do for you, nothing. I didn't realize how much I took from you, and for that, I'm sorry," Peter said looking at his lap, his voice shy, quite. Afraid. 

"Pete, you do so much more for me than you realize. You're there on all my darkest days and you somehow part the clouds and let the sun in. According to Pepper you've made me more responsible. You've shown me who I can be and what I can do. And you don't leach. In fact I feel like I have to fight tooth and nail to give you anything. So please, if anything let me spoil you a little more. You work so hard to protect the city, and you get almost nothing in return. Peter, you're the best thing to happen to me since Pepper, I love you more than you could ever know. And I'm sorry if I've never shown it, I don't really know how, but you make me want to learn." Mr Stark told him, his voice warm and gentle, full of love and passion. 

Peter felt happiness bubble in his chest, threatening to boil over. Tears formed in his eyes. He launched himself to the other couch wrapping his arms around his mentors torso.

He felt Mr Stark stiffen and was about to let go when he felt arms gently encircle him. They both melted into the hug, Peter trying to calm himself down while Mr Stark rubbed gentle circles on his back. 

They stayed like that for a while, just enjoying each other's warmth. Eventually they heard the elevator ding and heard the familiar clip clop of Pepper's heals. 

"Hey Pep." Mr Stark said reluctantly letting go of Peter. 

"Hello boys, looks like you've had a good day." She said with a light smile. 

The two brunettes chuckled at that.

A week later Peter stood in the elevator, his gift tucked safely under his arm. It was wrapped in a shiny silver wrapping covered in glittery snowflakes. 

Friday opened the door and he was immediately greeted with the smell of cinnamon, turkey and vanilla. The sound of Christmas music and gentle chatter flooded his ears. 

He hadn't felt so much holiday spirit in years. He smiled making his way over to the tree to carefully deposit his gift underneath. 

He went and joined in the festivities. He opened a few Christmas crackers with Sam and Clint, he helped Pepper finish off the last of the decorations. Gave Rhody and Bruce and hand with the gravy. Peter got some eggnog and was about to drink it before a harried looking Mr Stark stopped him and handed him a "kid friendly" eggnog. 

Dinner was a feast, 4 turkeys had been cooked with what seemed to be endless amounts of side dishes and desserts. The loud chatter around the table was merry and full of life, the gentle light from the candles being used closest to the table created a cozy atmosphere. 

Once they finished dinner they piled into the living room to watch a few Christmas movies together. 

Finally after Elf, when the clock struck midnight they all turned their attention to the tree to open the presents. 

Mr Stark started out by picking a random present, the recipient then opened it and had one guess as to who got them. Then the giver would reveal themselves and the recipient would randomly take another present and the cycle would start again. 

Peter was the last one left so when Mr Stark was handed it, he looked towards Peter immediately with a soft smile on his face.

He then turned his attention to the present in his lap. He carefully opened the wrapping paper at the seams in a way Peter knew he would do for no one else. 

His smile when he revealed the top of it made all the stress of the last month worth it. It was a photo album full of pictures Peter had collected from everyone in the room. He even had Friday give him a few. But they were mostly candids. Peter had carefully cropped and played around with the contrast and saturation making all the pictures look like windows into the past. He watched as Mr Stark carefully flipped through the pages of the album, his smile getting wider.

At the end he motioned Peter over and envelopped him in a hug.

"This is the best thing anyone's ever gotten me." He whispered.

Peter nodded into his shoulder, tears forming in his eyes. Mr Stark noticed it and pulled away enough to look at his face. 

Peter looked up and saw tears in Mr Stark's eyes too. They smiled at each other before Peter burried himself in the man's shoulder again.

They stayed like that until Peter eventually fell asleep. Mr Stark swiftly moved them to lie down horizontally since he didn't want to disturb him. 

That's how everyone found them the next morning. And by that afternoon the album had a new cover photo.


End file.
